panagladingit. panagbiag. panagyaman.

Ma. Asuncion Damasco Abaya
15 August 1938 – 06 July 2010

Nagsamneng. Daytoy ti sungbat ni mamang idi damagen diay doctor no ania ti marikrikna na.  Nagsamneng met ti balikas a kanayun a mangeg ko kaniana tunggal agalenna ti sakit a marikriknana.  Ti ammok, maysa a kadaanan a termino nga us-usaren laeng dagiti naun-una nga Ilocano.  Ngem saan gayam a popular daytoy a termino.  Ni laeng mamang ti mangus-usar ken makin kukua.  Nasamneng, kayatna a sawen para kaniana, nasakit, nasanaang, naut-ot, nasaem.

Idi July 6, 2010, nag ultimo ti pakasaritaan ti nainlubongan a bagi ni mamang. Myocardial Infection ti imbaga diay doctor kalpasan ti tallo nga rabii a panag ag-agal.  Ngem kunak no maiyawid ko nga sibibiag ni mamang. Pulos a diak pinanunot a panawan nakamin..

Para kadakami nga annakna, kakabagian, gagayyem ken mangipatpateg kaniana, mangrugi pay laeng ti kinasamneng ti biagmi.  Kas met lang kadagiti dadduma nga inanak, uray dadakkel kamin a pinanawanna, inkam to latta marikna ti nauneg nga pannakailiwmi iti ina, a saan to pulosen a masungbatan.  Sursuruen mi manen ti mangirugi iti biag nga awan ti aw-awaganmi iti mamang a katakunay naymi iti panangdaliasat mi met kadagiti bukodmi a biag.

Ammok, aglabas to met laeng ti saem ti ipapanawna.  Ammok met nga amin a tao ket makarikna iti umiso a padas.  Kas met ti sabali nga inanak, agtul tuloy to latta met ti tunggal biagmi.  Masanay kaminto met laeng  nga awanen ti tao nga aw-awaganmi iti mamang tunggal agawid kami iti balaymi.  Ngem adunto to ti pagdumaan-na.  Saan to pulosen a maipada.  Makitkita minto latta isuna kadagiti marunggay a natengenmi, kadagiti dalan a mapan diay tiendaan ken simbaan a bassit  nga immanay nga ayuyang na kadagiti tiempo a binuk bukodannna.

Agyaman kami unay ti imparikna yo nga ayat, ragsak ken dungngo kenni mamang bayat ti pannakikadua na kadakayo.  Sapay koma ta mapakawan yo isuna kadagiti nagkur kurangan na kadakayo. 

Agyaman kami unay kadagiti kakabagyan iti nagan daydi ama mi a nangayat met a sipupudno kenni mamang ditoy Vigan, diay San Juan ken diay Bangued, kasta met ti pamilya ti nakaikamangan ni adingko, dagiti kakabagian ni mamang diay Narvacan, diay Cavite ken iti sabali pay a lugar, dagiti inayat na a grupo ken kad kadua na kadagiti tiempo a pinadas na met ti agdaliasat iti sabali a lugar, ti Apostleship of Prayer ken Manaoag Devotees, dagiti kaarrubami diay Cabassan ken Beddeng Laud a kanayun a kinapat patang ken kina kinkinnatawa na kadagiti tiempo nga awan kami nga annakna, dagiti gagayyem ken katrabahoan mi nga agkakabsat a siaanus a nakikadkadua ken naki andingay kadakami kabayatan ti panangladingit mi ken ti pannakaimassayag ni mamang kasta met dagiti timmulong ti panangbaklay ti gastos kadagidiay a tiempo. 

Sapay koma ta maaddaan kamin to met ti gundaway a mangsubalit kadagiti ayat ken anus yo.

Agyaman kami manen unay kadakayo.


“samneng” (painful)

Samneng is apparently an Iloco word meaning painful or hurtful.  This was my mother’s reply to quote “nagsamngeng dc” when her doctor asked her how she feels  six months ago when she was confined in a hospital for the first time in her life.

I always hear the word from her as an expression of angst when she feels in pain caused by her scoliosis or  perhaps, her old age.  She’ll be seventy two (72) come August 15.   I always thought  all along that it was an old term normally used by older Ilocanos.  The doctor however was amazed it was his first time to hear the word or to his words ” I never encountered”  which brought him to ask if she belongs to an indigenous tribe.

I asked other Ilocanos as well if they have ever heard the same, but to no avail.  So i thought it was a unique “property” only mamang could keep.

Three days ago, i brought mamang to the hospital again where now,  she lies under intensive care. This moment,  i surrender her still to the care of science and the might of  The One.  The doctor declared she suffered acute heart attack,  which accordingly,  is normal to adults her age.  I am sure i will bring her home in good shape like in the past after her ordeal, though i know she’ll never be the same again.  And this is an indescribable pain to bear.

An epitome of endlessness, i never saw her so down and helpless until these pass days.  Her indomitable strength even in bed  though lifts me up, as in the pass.  It’s a vitamin that provides  endurance to  stare a blank face  at the pulse and oxygen monitor all day and night and monitor her pulse rate and blood pressure as it fluctuateand withstand the pain of witnessing her pain.  I could only hold back my tears…. sometimes.  I wish i could take some of her suffering.

Like other daughters who long for their mother’s caress even in adult life,  I will too.  However,  my coming home to Vigan, the zest i feel along the way each week will never be the same again. Though she taught me not to eat manga with suka and bogoong during my monthly period which i never abide, I will miss more her igado, her pipian, her dinengdeng, her buridibud, her bacho,  and everything she does before her mortal body shall dictate her limits.

God bless my mamang.

more than one

Our new president was elected accordingly through the help of hundreds of volunteers who believed in his ideals and that of his party, the Liberal Party of the Philippines. With this in mind I want not to be afraid this country will not get stocked in the middle of the ocean surrounded by developed and developing communities who will no longer wait for a hero to trigger and lead us out of the nightmares of a forsaken land.

I hope the more than five million Filipinos who voted for him will not leave him to carry all the burden this country has to solve within the next six years. Noynoy is not superman anyway.


Malayang Kaisipan, Malayang Pamumuhay sa Isang Malayang Bansa.

high hopes on June 30 2010 and beyond . . .

sunsets . .

only sunsets make sense . . except for love and lies that come in disguise.

Massacre in Maguindanao

  Just sadness and shame. What a way to exterminate lives.

Protected: “Her Way” … Hillary Rodham Clinton

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