Nagsamneng. Daytoy ti sungbat ni mamang idi damagen diay doctor no ania ti marikrikna na.  Nagsamneng met ti balikas a kanayun a mangeg ko kaniana tunggal agalenna ti sakit a marikriknana.  Ti ammok, maysa a kadaanan a termino nga us-usaren laeng dagiti naun-una nga Ilocano.  Ngem saan gayam a popular daytoy a termino.  Ni laeng mamang ti mangus-usar ken makin kukua.  Nasamneng, kayatna a sawen para kaniana, nasakit, nasanaang, naut-ot, nasaem.

Idi July 6, 2010, nag ultimo ti pakasaritaan ti nainlubongan a bagi ni mamang. Myocardial Infection ti imbaga diay doctor kalpasan ti tallo nga rabii a panag ag-agal.  Ngem kunak no maiyawid ko nga sibibiag ni mamang. Pulos a diak pinanunot a panawan nakamin..

Para kadakami nga annakna, kakabagian, gagayyem ken mangipatpateg kaniana, mangrugi pay laeng ti kinasamneng ti biagmi.  Kas met lang kadagiti dadduma nga inanak, uray dadakkel kamin a pinanawanna, inkam to latta marikna ti nauneg nga pannakailiwmi iti ina, a saan to pulosen a masungbatan.  Sursuruen mi manen ti mangirugi iti biag nga awan ti aw-awaganmi iti mamang a katakunay naymi iti panangdaliasat mi met kadagiti bukodmi a biag.

Ammok, aglabas to met laeng ti saem ti ipapanawna.  Ammok met nga amin a tao ket makarikna iti umiso a padas.  Kas met ti sabali nga inanak, agtul tuloy to latta met ti tunggal biagmi.  Masanay kaminto met laeng  nga awanen ti tao nga aw-awaganmi iti mamang tunggal agawid kami iti balaymi.  Ngem adunto to ti pagdumaan-na.  Saan to pulosen a maipada.  Makitkita minto latta isuna kadagiti marunggay a natengenmi, kadagiti dalan a mapan diay tiendaan ken simbaan a bassit  nga immanay nga ayuyang na kadagiti tiempo a binuk bukodannna.

Agyaman kami unay ti imparikna yo nga ayat, ragsak ken dungngo kenni mamang bayat ti pannakikadua na kadakayo.  Sapay koma ta mapakawan yo isuna kadagiti nagkur kurangan na kadakayo. 

Agyaman kami unay kadagiti kakabagyan iti nagan daydi ama mi a nangayat met a sipupudno kenni mamang ditoy Vigan, diay San Juan ken diay Bangued, kasta met ti pamilya ti nakaikamangan ni adingko, dagiti kakabagian ni mamang diay Narvacan, diay Cavite ken iti sabali pay a lugar, dagiti inayat na a grupo ken kad kadua na kadagiti tiempo a pinadas na met ti agdaliasat iti sabali a lugar, ti Apostleship of Prayer ken Manaoag Devotees, dagiti kaarrubami diay Cabassan ken Beddeng Laud a kanayun a kinapat patang ken kina kinkinnatawa na kadagiti tiempo nga awan kami nga annakna, dagiti gagayyem ken katrabahoan mi nga agkakabsat a siaanus a nakikadkadua ken naki andingay kadakami kabayatan ti panangladingit mi ken ti pannakaimassayag ni mamang kasta met dagiti timmulong ti panangbaklay ti gastos kadagidiay a tiempo. 

Sapay koma ta maaddaan kamin to met ti gundaway a mangsubalit kadagiti ayat ken anus yo.

Agyaman kami manen unay kadakayo.

I always hear the word from her as an expression of angst when she feels in pain caused by her scoliosis or  perhaps, her old age.  She’ll be seventy two (72) come August 15.   I always thought  all along that it was an old term normally used by older Ilocanos.  The doctor however was amazed it was his first time to hear the word or to his words ” I never encountered”  which brought him to ask if she belongs to an indigenous tribe.

I asked other Ilocanos as well if they have ever heard the same, but to no avail.  So i thought it was a unique “property” only mamang could keep.

Three days ago, i brought mamang to the hospital again where now,  she lies under intensive care. This moment,  i surrender her still to the care of science and the might of  The One.  The doctor declared she suffered acute heart attack,  which accordingly,  is normal to adults her age.  I am sure i will bring her home in good shape like in the past after her ordeal, though i know she’ll never be the same again.  And this is an indescribable pain to bear.

An epitome of endlessness, i never saw her so down and helpless until these pass days.  Her indomitable strength even in bed  though lifts me up, as in the pass.  It’s a vitamin that provides  endurance to  stare a blank face  at the pulse and oxygen monitor all day and night and monitor her pulse rate and blood pressure as it fluctuateand withstand the pain of witnessing her pain.  I could only hold back my tears…. sometimes.  I wish i could take some of her suffering.

Like other daughters who long for their mother’s caress even in adult life,  I will too.  However,  my coming home to Vigan, the zest i feel along the way each week will never be the same again. Though she taught me not to eat manga with suka and bogoong during my monthly period which i never abide, I will miss more her igado, her pipian, her dinengdeng, her buridibud, her bacho,  and everything she does before her mortal body shall dictate her limits.

God bless my mamang.

I hope the more than five million Filipinos who voted for him will not leave him to carry all the burden this country has to solve within the next six years. Noynoy is not superman anyway.

Malayang Kaisipan, Malayang Pamumuhay sa Isang Malayang Bansa.

high hopes on June 30 2010 and beyond . . .

only sunsets make sense . . except for love and lies that come in disguise.

  Just sadness and shame. What a way to exterminate lives.

I was in Manila on the 26th of September, the day typhoon Ondoy made a landfall.  I was supposed to attend the last Sunday of the bar exam after a couple of years of almost ”animosity” in the field, primarily to take a grasp once more on the atmosphere.  I was one of those trapped along  Quezon Ave.,  Quezon City. I spent the night inside the bus with some people from my former school denied of the usual comfort for travellers. It was a sort of a road trip because we were not able to reach our destination, but not a road trip after all.  The latest count of  casulaties from the National Disaster Coordinating Council  have risen to two hundred forty (240) and still counting, notwithstanding the many individuals,  children and families starving in evacuation areas around Manila.

Fear, however did not engulfed me during the ordeal even when my cellphone ran out of battery and there’s no other way to get informed of what’s happening around than the radio powered by the bus gas, which made us hear the angst, pleas and sobs of the many families and individuals begging for rescue.  Perhaps, this is because i grew up, like many Filipinos, with calamities and disasters.  It has always been a way of life and the “spirit” that i could always surpass whatever the ordeal may bring. Though i was worried a bit when the building on the left side of  the bus we were in, caught fire.  To make the situation panicable, beside the building was a paint station and right behind our bus was a gas tanker while strong winds  made the heavens look like dancing firecrackers as naked faces of barefoot and footless people  keep passing back and forth  the streets  struggling to cross the rapid water breast high some neck high, all day and night long.  I thought these people are, like me, just in a hurry to be home with their love ones and feel safe.  Yet we just cannot move anywhere like other vehicles around us.  It was seemingly a bad omen, whatever the word means.

Two men in wheelchair took shelter in a waiting shed near our space, battling the strong rain and wind with only plastics wrapped around their bodies while hundreds of children were sleeping in the floor covered with cartoons and newspapers along the corregidors of Sto. Domingo church.  We would share the adhacent spots for many hours.  Pasalubongs intended for barristers like cornics and bibingkas were shared to them.

“We were only at the right place at the right time” said one friend.  Our driver was smart enough to locate the proper position of the bus where we would stick for the rest of the night until roads to lead us outside Manila were partially passable.

Climate change or war against another idiology.

Stupidity kills people.

I am grateful I was born a Filipino. I am more grateful I am living in a generation that lived a great woman named Corazon C. Aquino. I take pride to have recollection of live footages about a bloodless revolution in my country,  in my lifetime.  A  story rooted from an eleven year old girl’s first encounter with  political issues (though vague to a young mind) from her brother’s rush and fearful words during lunchtime of August 21, 1983… “tatang, tatang  pinatay dan ni Ninoy” (father, father Ninoy has been assasinated) which resonates in my growing up years and the passionate conversations about  national crucial issues in the family especially with my father in the coming years after that fateful day which I share now with my nephews and nieces who show awesome eagerness to learn and understand the history of their heritage. 

My country’s contribution to all the peace loving people

across the globe is gone.

Thank you dear president for the assurance of the freedom we all yearn.

May you have a good journey. Rest in Peace.