Me, My World and A Saturday

I woke up early, watered the plants, caressed my dogs and cats, cleaned the whole house keeping the company of the Bee Gees Collection (some lyrics manifest a premonition… on “how to mend a brocken heart’.)

 Later i drove south near the coastline with my beloved vintage to stand as godmother to the son of an old friend who came home only to have her baby baptized.

My first phoneless day in years.

As i live another experience of a monastic life, i let pass once more a silent day except for my limited responses to those who dared talk to me as i allowed myself to be preoccupaied with the realm of the coming hours. I kept my mind carefree.

Finally, i went home late afternoon after a senseless stay (perhaps to escape moments).  The dean’s message read “sorry, i really feel sorry”. 

A huge disappointment.  It will  definitely gradually sink in my nerves in the days to come.

Only three out of twenty five made it in our class and only one thousand two hundred eighty nine out of five thousand seven hundred ninety nine will affix their signature in the Roll of Attorneys.

Am not one of them.

I can always try, until the fifth time or perhaps until i could fix my logic, or my grammar or my handwriting.  One thing remains, it is a tiresome task that is so difficult to undergo again. There are many options out there though.  Siguro i might consider a nursing or medical course or just become one of the spectators of sunrise and sunset or search na lang ulit for my knight in shining armor, “feel good” once again get married and embrace the domain of domestic life……..hay Marjo ……you and your tangible self.

 When my mortal body cannot comprehend the circumstances of my life, I surrender to writing. I guess i was born to die and rise everyday.  The ones that i hold dear in my heart are the ones that i cannot keep.

 Fr. Jack, my good friend, has kind words for me . .”don’t stop believing in yourself.”

Yes, i wont , as i chase my time. 

Published in:  on March 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm Leave a Comment

Prolonged agony……

 

It’s been restless days…i haven’t started my reports, i could not respond logically, i feel like all my blood is in my brains. The least that i want to be is in a suspended state. But what can i do or who can do something anyway. The waiting period is not over yet. I remember an uncle’s mantra…”don’t believe until it’s in your sight, in your hands.”

I cannot condense my emotions neither could i reconcile my mind. Numerous messages from friends and fellow 2007 examinees signal the approaching promulgation of the verdict yet quiet longing is not moving. Another extended day before the LCD projector at the front yard of the Supreme Court will finally bring down the list of names of blessed souls. I waited for six months anyway. At least the ordeal will be over in a few hours. However, much as i want to ignore, the statistics of bar results for the past five years cannot comfort me.

 “Brave heart, Good heaven, i’l just follow my mother’s words……….. have faith, be strong!

 

 

 

 

 

Published in:  on March 28, 2008 at 11:27 am Leave a Comment

Defining Moment

I believe more than five thousand Filipinos nationwide are in an expecting mood since the first day of this month not to include other spectators … families, relatives, friends, acquaintances and perhaps apparent foes or simply bystanders, for the release of the result of the one regarded as “the examination of the community.”

Am one of them.

 The last time I could remember I cried immensely while praying was when I beg the Omnipotent to extend the life of my father, although while on review, I sobbed on numerous instances even on simplest situations ….often, for no reason. Last week three of my closest friends in high school which I haven’t communicated for a long time quietly paid a visit in my house. They came to express a good wish and a good hug which i sorely missed and a hopeful future for me in the field that I choose to pursue.  My remaining strength fumbled.
I haven’t confronted my emotions about this matter until today as the result of all my hard work for the past five years will take a final stand anytime soon.

I haven’t fixed the books and other review materials I brought since I came home neither have the courage to open them again…. less those general references I made in relation to my work. I do not want to encounter the same ordeal yet. Brrr all the highlights and underlines, colored pencils and pentel inks… I emailed as well the soft copy I used last year to Erwin, my friend from Butuan City who himself has set another review period even prior to the release of the bar results. ( He made it. abogado na siya)

Maybe, like me, he does not want to set so much expectation for himself for quicker recovery. It still brings comfort. Though nobody knows what’s on the other side.I cannot foretell as well how I would feel whichever will come. Maybe, it will only be like mending a broken heart after a disastrous or a seemingly senseless affair (quite difficult really) or drinking a glass of cold cold water after retreat to a pointless discussion on political remedies to prohibited projects. I will be in a sad and vulnerable state. I’l just close my shell and escape reality for a while. A week or two of bottles, laughters and friends maybe enough… then i’l rise and maybe i’l read again. It is and will always be a wonderful experience after all.

My heart says though that the One has already perfected a plan even before my reasons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published in:  on March 24, 2008 at 10:45 am Leave a Comment

Icons of womanhood in my list

“Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible” is a feminist proverb of indeterminate origin that perhaps may have been quietly adopted by women achievers.

Barely less than a hundred years ago, women were classified as imbeciles, irrational, incapable of managing their own affairs, denied education, employment and professions and excluded from juries and public offices. Defying the odds of times and circumstances, these women in my list absolutely contributed to the development of a rational being.

These are the women at whose side I want to stand.

Mary Magdalene

She, “the woman with many names . . . Sophia, Magdala, Marinha…”

She “with a reputation as a tearful penitent….”

“A Woman Who Showed Her Gratitude….

“A woman of substance, brave and smart and devoted, who plays a crucial — perhaps irreplaceable — role in Christianity’s defining moment.”

“The first to see the risen Lord — those with more power have sought to marginalize her. Yet she is faithful. She remains. She cannot be silenced.”

I adore this woman… I love this woman …

Benazir Bhutto – The First Muslim woman to lead a Muslim Nation…

“I do what I have to do and am determined to fulfill my pledge to the people of Pakistan to stand by them in their democratic aspirations. I take the risk for all the children of Pakistan. The children of Pakistan are as dear to me as my own children” were her famous last words.

Benazir, meaning “without parallel” during her term as Prime Minister of Pakistan expressed the hope that one day Moslems would soon be able to pray at the holy site in the Israeli controlled Jerusalem.

Norma Jean Baker

 

“I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else. ”

Overhauled for her almost perfect portrait of the ‘goddess’ Marilyn Monroe. Abandoned, deprived, single handedly reached the epitome of fame, allured and glorified in life yet scorned, “murdered” and cheaply wrapped in death.

 

Indira Gandhi

‘Even if I die in the service of the nation, I will be proud of it. Every drop of my blood, I am sure, I will contribute to the growth of this nation and will make it strong and dynamic” Prime Minister Indira Gandhi said in a speech in the East Indian State of Orissa a day before she was killed by her own security guards in October 1984. The only child of Prime Minister Jewaharlal Nehru, she was dubbed as the “Mother of India” or “Indira means India. The first Indian woman Prime Minister, she spent her childhood in an atmosphere of intense political activity with her parents. She was barely three years old when Mahatma Gandhi launched his first civil disobedience movement.

Dian Fosey

“The Kabara groups taught me much regarding gorilla behavior. From them I learned to accept the animals on their own terms and never to push them beyond the varying levels of tolerance they were willing to give. Any observer is an intruder in the domain of a wild animal and must remember that the rights of that animal supersede human interests. When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate on the preservation of the future.”

One of the world’s leading female scientists, Dr. Dian Fossey had a remarkable career, highlighted by many challenges and successes. Her life was cut short when she was murdered in 1985, yet legacy has continued and grown in multiple ways. Most importantly, the work she devoted her life to – protecting and studying the mountain gorillas of Africa – has proved highly effective and has resulted in the stabilization and growth of this most endangered of the great apes, and in many other related conservation efforts, as well as programs for people who live in areas near the gorillas.

 

Margareth Thatcher

“Change cannot be painless. But much of what we are going through today is the result of past folly and neglect. After any major operation, you feel worse before convalesce. But you don’t refuse the operation when you know that without it, you won’t survive.”

Golda Meir

“Like my generation, this generation will strive to struggle, make mistakes and achieve. Like us, they are totally committed to the development and security of the State of Israel and to the dream of a just society here. Like us, they know that there be a Jewish people to remain a people, it is essential that there be a Jewish nation where Jews can live as Jews, not on suffering and not as minority. I am grateful that I live in a country whose people have learned how to go on living in a sea of hatred without hating those who want to destroy them and without abandoning their own vision of peace. To have learned this is a great art, the prescription for which is not written down anywhere. It is a part of our way of life in Israel”

References:

Sisterhood is Global

Great Women of Our Time

Woman of Destiny

Gorillas in the Mist

The Woman Who Showed Gratitude

 

 

 

Published in:  on March 8, 2008 at 6:58 am Leave a Comment

International Women’s Day

“we begin to love each other
when we begin to make the connection
between your empowerment and my
disempowerment,
We are sisters when we recognize and touch each other’s pains
Like touching the glow of the moon
when it seems so distant and impossible,
when we cry because another woman cries,
when we hold a grieving sister
even when we feel the depths of our own wounding,
when we laugh as the tears dry laughing with the going of sorrows,
when we break our silences
even when it is difficult to find the words
that will describe the growing grief of loves lost and lost hopes…”

Today, MARCH 8, 2008 is

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY

tribute to all women genuinely happy or not.

Cheers..

 

 

 

Published in:  on at 6:26 am Leave a Comment