Just move on
originally posted May 6, 2007
REMEMBER
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.”
Christina Georgina Rossetti – 1830-1894
Death betrayed me. He was never apolgetic . . He has not said sorry to me which my bleeding heart demands. This drastic comments reverberates in my deepest soul “you must go to your assignment, the local officials might pray that you will not pass the bar; it is alright marjo to get pregnant even if you are not married. Do not expect anybody from the office to go against you or file immoral charges against you if you bear a child out of wedlock”.
I have nothing against him. I tried to be objective all along that all these comments were all part of the subordinate-boss relationship if only not to distract my momentum in taking the prebar review. But my heart blead. I do not deserve it. I did not open my personal life with him nor gave him the authority to intrude into my person. I was the last person he saw from the office. He still asked how’s my review going. Eight hours later, he would die a tragic death.
Death is not the answer to the vacuum. Forgiveness is a two way, a journey, a process. I am left alone to heal the wound, the pain, the hurt. .. but life has to move on.
the agony of waiting….
it’s been more than a month since the last sound of the drum that manifests the end of the bar exams. but the agony of waiting has just begun and the endless hope and emotional struggle made it so fearsome. I’l try harder to keep myself busy though….I feel ashame to ask my god for a favor but i am in the state of helplessness upon which the control of my fate lies only between my examiner and my god now. am already excluded. i accept that the very moment i passed my exam booklet, i have let go of my fate in the hands of another. i only pray my god will Sharpen the mind of the examiner and make my exam more bearable for him or her during the checking. Thy will be done.
Heal the soul, alone
Time and Eternity (originally posted sometime June 2007)
Departed to the judgment,
A mighty afternoon;
Great clouds like ushers leaning,
Creation looking on.
The flesh surrendered, cancelled,
The bodiless begun;
Two worlds, like audiences, disperse
And leave the soul alone.
Emily Dickinson
Someday i will understand what happened
someday when all is well i will realize
i am not belittled
someday i will find in the air
deeply hurt will heal its own soul.
someday my cries will speak its own words.
someday. . . i can say this is mine
